The March weigh-in

March RSV Synagis shot was today...I was eagerly anticipating the weigh-in.

Dylan: 15lbs 4oz
Owen: 12lbs 6oz

Whoa, baby! I guessed D would be close to 16lbs and Owen would still trail by about 3lbs. They are still maintaining that 3lbs variance...it's all in D's cheeks, I swear (the ones on his face!!). The last time they weighed in, last month, they were 13lbs 10oz and 10lbs 10oz.

I sounded like a cheap-ass when I questioned the nurse whether we needed to have next month's shot or not. Insurance is a necessary evil. I spent an hour on the phone (for the 20th time) last night trying to get my fetal fibronectin tests from September, October, & November paid by Medica so the lab wouldn't go to collections with my unpaid bills. So I've met my limit when Walgreens/OptionCare has been causing me a ton of angst about the RSV shots. Noone in Billing has been able to figure out why my December shots for Owen were $150, but the Jan are $400...and no, it's not my deductible. I'm in healthcare, people, I get this shit (I'm a little wound up about this!). And Dylan, his account is overdue, but I didn't even receive a BILL until just last week!! Someone tell me how I can be delinquent on my bill when I have never received one. So, I try to keep my wits about me and call to talk to someone who also has no idea what's going on and sends it to HQ and then doesn't call me back for 3 weeks...at least that's the way this went last month. The same amount was submitted to my insurance for Dylan and Owen, but different amounts were billed to me for each of them, and the same amounts of medication were given to each of them....this same specialty provider caused me trouble when Ethan received RSV shots...I should have expected as much. And that's why...if you are going to receive specialty medication...use CuraScript through Express Scripts...holla!

Next week on the 8th they go in for their 4-month well-baby check. 4 months already!! Time to be sleeping through the night consistently, I say. Two nights ago they rocked my world by sleeping from 7 to 6:30. Last night, all 3 boys were up.

Andy and I decided that with our return to the fast-flow nipples this past weekend we needed to keep the boys upright during feedings, so "double-feeds" aren't all that practical and we should just both get up if they wake up to feed during the night. So, last night I was up at 10:30pm (well, not up, I hadn't gone to bed yet) with Owen and just rocked him for a bit until he settled down. Then we were both up at 3:30am to feed D & O. While I was feeding Owen, I heard Ethan start to yell "Mommmm-mmmaaaayyyy! The good thing is, the fast-flow nipples cut the feeding times by a third...it takes about 10 minutes. They haven't quite adjusted to this yet...when they are done with bottles they FREAK OUT!!! It's like when you eat too fast and you aren't full until a couple minutes later when you are really uncomfortably full. They seem to be like, "Hey wait, where's the rest of it?!"

They've traded roles. I used to prefer feeding Dylan because he would take a whole bottle no problem and didn't really make you work for it. Now I prefer to feed Owen because he paces himself. Dylan is the big eater and sucks really hard so the fast-flow nipples are a total disaster with him....formula all. over. the. place. And he spits up often, because he eats so fast. But Owen, he just takes a break when he needs to, like he always has.

Anyways, after I was done feeding Owen, I spent a few minutes making sure it all made it's way into his belly, laid him back down, and made my way into Ethan's room where he emphatically declared, "It's wake time!!" Wrong. We sat together for awhile and then he went back to bed. He insisted on having his door open so I closed the gate to the top of the stairs. Five minutes later he was demanding that the gate be opened, so daddy went in his room and laid down the law.

Nothing's consistent around here. One night we sleep like rockstars and tell everyone we know how awesome sleep is (I told everyone I could find at work on Monday)...the next night we are cursing their infancy and wishing for their teenage years when we struggle to wake them up before noon! We had a smooth bedtime tonight...here's hoping we don't see them until at least 6am!!

Andy is out to IKEA tonight to pick up our second crib. At 15lbs 4oz and 12lbs 6oz, these boys are filling up one crib together!! They are tall kids too!! So, somehow we're going to try to fit a second crib into the tiniest room in our house. Ethan still refuses to switch rooms with them despite promises of blue (black and brown too, if he really wants it!) walls and a $200 Lightning McQueen bed...seriously, I'll do it...I need the extra space that he has in his room.

*****

I spent some time this evening revising my victim statement. After talking with Andy last night, I discovered that my opportunity to speak on Monday is not my opportunity to rampage on Crazy...bummer. So, I turned my "you"s into "she"s and "her"s and it seems to flow better. It's supposed to be an address to the courtroom as to how this affected me/us, versus an address to this biatch who almost ruined my life. I would rather pull each and every hair out of my head than go to court on Monday and read this statement. That being said, I think it would be a minor miracle if the Judge could listen to my statement and my father-in-law's and Andy's (which I haven't read as he's not sure if he's going to write it or wing it) and not sentence this waste-of-space to jail time. So, it needs to be done and I'll buck up.

2 years

I hate March 29th. I hate it, and did my best to not acknowledge it yesterday, which is why I'm blogging about it today and not yesterday. I didn't stare at the calendar and dwell on the date, I merely recognized that it was March 29th and went about my day. But as I am cursed by a unique memory that can replay the moments of two years ago better than it can recount what I wore on Friday, I couldn't help but transport myself back to where I was 2 years ago.

Two years ago today, March 30th, I stayed home from work to take care of my sick 6-month-old baby. He wouldn't focus on anything and was throwing up all over the place. I was trying to wrap up a proposal, I even remember the client, and I yelped on a conference call as Ethan threw up on me as I paced with him in the kitchen.

I was freaked out and on the phone with the nurses line at our clinic multiple times. I'm sure I sounded like any other first-time-parent and I was assured that PediaLyte and time would take care of this stomach bug. One week later we were at Children's Hospital anticipating emergency brain surgery, which thankfully didn't need to occur (yay heriditary big head!)

I'm sure to reflect on each day of the next week or so in this manner...

Time. If I could just go back and reassure 2-years-ago-Hilary that things will be ok. I would tell her, "2007 will suck...big time...but in 2009, things will be better...and Ethan will be amazing in every way. Oh, and by the way, you'll have TWO more little boys and they will be amazing too"...

It is hard to think about anything bad when I get to love these little dudes...

(little dudes who sleep through the night!...that's right...Dylan and Owen slept from 7 to 6:30 last night!!)

Ethan funnies with a tad of court anxiety

Ethan has got to be the funniest kid on the planet. Mom bias, maybe, but you might think it too if you witnessed some of this material he comes up with.

Ethan is really into singing lately. In fact, I can hear him up in his room singing "Row your boat" right now. "Row row down the stream, merly, merly, merly, merly, life is up a tree" Every once in awhile, he throws in "life is but an elephant" just for kicks. Where does he come up with that? If you taught him that, please let me know, because you are hilarious also!

I can't keep socks on this kid in the house. My feet are always cold, so naturally I think that his must be also. But maybe he's like his dad, who doesn't wear jackets in sub-zero MN weather because downtown has a skyway system....don't get me started. I digress. Ethan is always pulling his socks off. As I was feeding Dylan tonight, I watched Ethan examine his toes and say "The little one doesn't have a nipple"....huh? I kept it together and told them they were called "nails", like his fingernails. And he said "We will cut my feetnails!" After two plus years of wrestling him to trim his nails (daddy won't do it, he's scared), he is suddenly all about manicures and pedicures.

Due to an unfortunate diaper incident, Ethan was running around in just a diaper and shirt this evening. He apparently felt quite liberated in this state because he was running around, dancing on his tippy-toes, and all I could think of was the scene in Tommy Boy when Chris Farley dances around singing "I'm a maniac, maniac on the floor! And I'm dancin' like I've never danced before"...it was just like that, except without the gasoline and cow poo.

Dylan and Owen have been cooing quite a bit. They really get going when we get right in their face and act like idiots, making faces and such...Ethan loves to do this. When they start "talking" a lot to him, I ask Ethan what they are trying to say and he says, "Ahhhhh, poop!"...such a boy, this one.

Andy has been the primary parent at Ethan's bedtime for quite some time due to my pregnancy, surgery recovery, involvement with babies at all times. But recently, I've had the chance to get back in the swing of things during his bedtime. Things were a changin' while I was away...they stopped drinking milk during books, Ethan started brushing his own teeth (with supervision), and they started saying prayers. Ethan says "Now I lay me down to sleep..." every night after books. He pretty much knows it all by memory, but he prefers to repeat after us. I know the prayer, but I didn't know how they typically ended it. Ethan showed me the way. "....I pray the Lord my soul to take...Amen...Peace on Earth" Then he said "Say the last part!" and I asked him what the last part was because I thought prayers were over after "Amen", and he said "I love you very much"...ahhh, Daddy. Tear.

I think Ethan will be an early reader. His vocabulary is amazing...truly. I really don't think I'm being mom-biased there. He is very interested in what all the words say when we are reading books. He can't read yet, but he'll point to words and ask "What's that say?"...Tonight he was asking that about the book we were reading at bedtime but he didn't let me answer, he just said, "Mommy and daddy love you"...it didn't actually say that, but I'm glad there's no question about him knowing that!

*****

My stomach gets in knots every time I think about April 6th. It is coming up so fast on us. I finished writing my victim statement last week. I think I might throw up if I try to read it. I have to do it...and I will, for Ethan. But I really don't want to. We haven't been contacted by the probation officer that was supposed to contact us prior to the sentencing and make a recommendation to the Judge. I'm not sure why...it makes me think that maybe this isn't really the end of the criminal portion of this saga, since there was another time during this process where we were supposed to be contacted by a probation officer, but that was before the guilty plea. Today I found some pictures of Ethan in the hospital and shortly before and thereafter. The victim's advocate thought it might be a good idea to bring a face into the equation...this is, after all, a crime against a real person that we are all talking about. I plan to put together a poster-board sometime this weekend or next. I also need to confirm that I don't have to be in the courtroom if Crazy chooses to address us, which she will have the option to do. I've seen her have no remorse over the past 2 years, and I don't want to see that again, or worse yet, see her try to pretend like she does have remorse...to me, it would only be for show, in attempt to lighten her sentence.

It's going by too fast...

One day they will turn and look at each other and say, "Hi!...how long have you been there?" (Owen L, Dylan R)


Twice today I said that I thought Owen was starting to look a little like me...until I saw these pictures and realized how absolutely wrong I am...he looks just like Ethan, who looks just like his daddy. (Owen L, Dylan R...at the MOA with Gamma, Liz and Ethan)

A few nights ago I made some dinner. Many times I'm not actually making it, rather defrosting and heating it....thanks to my Mom who stocked us up with homemade meals, and a friendly co-worker who gave us an incredibly generous gift card to Let's Dish. It was nothing fancy, just some chicken, rice medley, salad. What makes it blogworthy is that Ethan ate all the chicken...and before the rice. Whoa. Not sure what I did to deserve such a compliment...he loved this meal and told me so! Ethan is all about his starches and carbs...rice, bread, potatoes...and much to his father's dismay, shuns meat. But...chicken...it appears I now have a chance with chicken. Articles on picky toddler eating will tell you to introduce a food at least a dozen times before counting it out. I say, keep trying...a year and a half later, he might just eat it and love it!

Andy was walking outside a few nights ago with Ethan and they passed Maddie's new house. He saw her sitting in their window and said, "There's Maddie. She's my puppy. She lives under my couch."

Last night, Andy and Ethan went over to Paul's and Ethan wrestled with Maddie and her new sister, Lucy, a dachshund, for quite awhile. On their way, they were waved over by our neighbor and went inside to visit. Her little girl who is 4 came upstairs from her room to see if Ethan could come play and then she took his hand and led him off to her room and they played Barbies. He didn't want to leave when it was time to go home to bed. I thought it was adorable, but I'm not sure Andy was as pleased.

We went way backwards with sleep last night. Ethan was out later than usual (see above) and probably didn't actually fall asleep until 9pm. The babies were up at midnight, Ethan was up at 2, the babies were up at 3, Ethan was up at 6:30. Yuck. It was fitful sleep for all of us. What is the deal?!

Ethan is 2 1/2 on Saturday. I can't handle it. I mean, I can...but when I look at him I still see my tiny little 32-week preemie and wonder where all the time went...he is such an amazing person...so smart, so strong, so loving...and he is such a boy, no longer a baby...it just went by so fast!

Here is Ethan and his friend, Liz, at the MOA....his first ride!

The 14th week

One of their sweetest pictures together yet....Dylan (L), Owen (R)


So cute in his Wolves jersey...he is a crazy guy pushing that tractor around!


I'm out of the Honeymoon stage...I've hit some sort of 3-month-point-of-utter-exhaustion stage...and I don't like it. So this is how I see it...you're pregnant, with twins or singleton, it doesn't matter...you're all pumped up for meeting your kid(s) and then they are born and you're like "Wooo, let's do this!"...bring on the thrice-nightly feedings...the poop, the spit-up, the constant laundry, the empty checking account...and it's totally worth it...always, even at this point, where I'm starting to wonder, "How am I even functioning?!!" I'm like, just....tired. All the time. A lot tired. I find myself forgetting common words (after Ethan was born, I once forgot the word "tablecloth"), severely lacking in conversation skills, and second-guessing myself at work (ever heard the phrase "The baby is eating my brain" from a pregnant woman?...I'm not sure it ever regenerates). Coffee does help...some. The other day I declared on my Facebook status that I love coffee so much I want to marry it...I do...but I'm already married and I don't live in Utah. Today I tried to drink coffee in the afternoon too and hoo boy, that was a bad idea. I'm not quite right...hours later. Anyways, no sob story here...the smiles, coos, giggles, and laughs from all the kids are worth it without a doubt...I'm so in love with them...but it's just really sinking in lately that this is REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hard!!

That being said...

What is the deal with hair going whack after pregnancy?! I used to have stick-straight hair. Straight hair that I used to complain about, that I now realize I should have been thankful to have. After Ethan was born I got this funky wave in the back of my head, but only at the top. My hairstylist convinced me to buy this fancy brush...a Marilyn, New Yorker, Midtown....$50 on a brush!! Hmm...not sure Andy knows about that...sorry, Honey. It was supposed to smooth everything out as I brushed it out while drying. It was the first and only time Kari led me wrong. Now, after I've had two more kids, I have waves everywhere in my hair. The most annoying is right around my natural part...my hair is flat at the part, and then kinks up before going straight again. And the part that's straight is only straight because I flat-iron it every morning after drying. Typically, I'm either throwing my hair in a ponytail/lazy bun while wet, or flat-ironing it after drying...I'm pretty sure if I let it air dry I wouldn't clear a doorway.

Ethan is totally excited about Andy's 30th birthday (March 25th...remember to give him shit about being an old man and all)...he is going to help me bake a cake...it should be interesting because a. he's 2, and b. I haven't successfully baked anything except for banana bread, the easiest baked good ever.

I put Ethie to work tonight while making dinner. He can work the salad-spinner...awesome. While he was pressing the button, he was talking about how mommy would teach him to cook in his own kitchen...I'm raising someone's future AWESOME husband.

I've been trying to convince Ethan that he should switch rooms with Dylan and Owen. First, I thought about moving Ethan downstairs to the guest bedroom and splitting the twins out into the bedrooms upstairs, but I think I'm more uncomfortable with that idea than he is. So, I decided maybe we could just work out a little switcharoo upstairs. D & O are in the smaller of the 3 rooms upstairs...and the idea of trying to fit another crib, let alone two big boy beds, in there someday is perplexing. I tried to coax him with the option of painting his room any color he wants, putting up a cool Lightning McQueen decal on the wall, or even buying the $200 Lightning McQueen bed that Andy saw at Costco (unfortch, Ethan saw this bed too!)...but no dice. A few days ago I was trying to convince him again...asking him what color he would pick if he could paint his wall any color. Turns out he's got some angsty teenager in him already...he wants to paint his walls black. Black...with brown and blue. Beautiful. Does it make him spoiled if I actually do this?

Ethan got up really early the other day and when I told him it was too early he said "I got up too early in the wake-time!"...I forgive him for waking up at ungodly hours of the morning when he is so funny and perceptive.

Speaking of wake-time...Dylan and Owen are waking less at night...and now that I wrote that, they'll get up 3 times tonight! You might recall that my last post on Saturday mentioned the possibility of some sleep around here...I jinxed myself that night, so I should know better tonight, but what the hell...Thursday night, Friday night, Sunday night and last night, Dylan and Owen only woke up once during the night. They went to bed around 7pm, woke up to eat around 3am, and got up for the day around 6am. That is not a bad night, people!! It's not quite a pattern yet...but it gives me hope. I know, I also just mentioned my state of total exhaustion, but whether they wake up once or twice or even three times, I still wake up whether I'm doing the feeding or not (for the record, I tried breast-feeding while they were in the NICU, but sometimes I am relieved that it didn't work out...mostly sad, but having the benefit of trading -off feedings with Andy is a definite pro)...it's a mom-thing I guess...and the day/evening is non-stop...so I'm still collapsing at the end of the day either way. But...these longer stretches of sleep are so encouraging...some day they will sleep through the night. And after I get over the panic of them not waking up in the middle of the night, I will sleep well too.

I think D & O are going to be thumb-suckers. Sometimes I have to fight their hands away from their mouths to get the bottle in...really...they love their hands, and they can fit the whole thing in there...amazing. Owen has even been able to separate the thumb from the rest of the digits. You know how babies clench into fists and you have to pry their little fingers apart to wash in there?!...I think they are realizing there are 5, not 1!!! Very exciting.

I am trying hard to remember when Ethan started teething...because the drool...oh, the drool. I heard once that some babies are born with teeth...so I suppose 3 months wouldn't be too early.

Dylan has joined the fate of his brother, Owen. He was shaved this past weekend. See below. Enough said. It was necessary.

The trusting child...looking hairy from the front.

Not so hairy from the top.

And to close, the cutest thing ever...Andy was taking Dylan up to bed after Owen was already up there and Ethan told me, "Daddy is taking Dylan upstairs so he can sleep in the crib with his friend, Owen"...and then I died.

Sleep!!

It's too early to get excited, but I think we're on the verge of some sleep-breakthroughs...I slept last night.

On Thursday night, I woke at 2:30am to crying. I figured it was my feeding (I typically do the second feeding during the night) so I got up and went to the bathroom and saw the boppy pillows in the hallway....which meant they hadn't yet been brought into the babies' room for feeding. OMG!! So I went back into our room and told Andy it was his feeding to which he replied, "It's after 2? I really prefer to feed them at 11, 12, or 1!" which I found pretty funny. After the feeding they went back to sleep until 5 when I fed them and then brought them into our bed for morning snuggling.

Last night they woke up at 2:45am...Andy fed them and then I got up with them at 6:30am.

Two nights does not a pattern make...but could this be the beginning of once-nightly wakings?!

Lots of pictures...

Owen: "All this head-shaving is so exhausting"


3-month old Dylan: "I have cheeks just like my older brother had"...see below

3-month old Ethan



Dylan is totally amused by the Rainforest bouncy chair


Every kid should have a bean table...hours and hours of fun for them...and vacuuming for you


Every kid should also have a Learning Tower and car basket...seriously...they rock.

Owen fell victim to the electric razor...he is bald. I wasn't a fan of Andy shaving baby Ethan at first, but after viewing the results, I realized it had to be done. So when I finally admitted the ridiculousness of Owen's do, I participated in his shaving...I made faces to distract him and held his head in place when Andy shaved the nape of his neck. Ethan watched nearby and I joked, "You're next!"...I don't believe I helped his fear of home haircuts...have you seen the results of Andy's latest attempt at cutting E's hair?! There are signs of a struggle.

Ethan summed up Minnesota with astonishing insight the other day when he looked out our patio door and said, "I see winter...and more winter...and more winter..."

The following exchange happened one evening between me and Ethan which reminded me of the scene in When Harry Met Sally when Meg Ryan says, "And I'm going to be 40!" and Billy Crystal asks, "When?" and she replies "SOMEDAY!"...I don't know, it just made me laugh...We were in the babies' room and Ethan said, "They will take baths" and I said, "Not right now"...and he looked at me and with toddler authority said, "BUT SOMETIME!!"

Ethan is very into family hugs. We always have a family hug when daddy gets home from work. I am usually at the sink washing dishes and Ethan is at the window watching for Andy. When Andy comes in he scoops up Ethan and comes over to me to give me a kiss. Ethan grabs around our necks and pulls us all together for a family hug. If this weren't to happen one day, I think it would throw off his entire evening...maybe mine too!

We've been quite musical lately and have each had songs stuck in our heads this week. Mine has been "Rock me, sexy Jesus" from Hamlet 2...it's catchy. Andy's has been the Filet o Fish commercial from McD's. Tonight he pulled it up on YouTube and watched it with Ethan. Now Ethan has been singing "Give me back that Filet o Fish, give me that fish"...and demanding we sing it too. It's probably better he sing that than "Rock me, sexy Jesus" though.